As a child you might have gotten the message that drawing attention to yourself was self-centered and that you shouldn’t make waves. If this is you, you probably find it difficult to speak up for yourself, especially in relationships. The more important the problem, like whether or not to ask for a commitment, the harder it gets.
Asking for what you want and need from your partner is essential for a healthy give and take. If you’re afraid to speak up for yourself you’ll find there’s no one else who will. You have to learn how to do it, after all you’re 50% of the couple and you need to have a say as it changes and deepens.
This was one of the hardest things for me to overcome. I let too much time go by, afraid to speak up about our possible future together. But eventually my worry and anxiety would get the better of me and cause me to blurt something out — but never at the right time or using the right words. I describe one such situation,”How I Sort of Proposed,” in chapter 4 of my book “It’s Never Too Late To Marry.” My inability to express myself in that relationship contributed a great deal to its breakup.
If now is the time (or it’s past the time) to finally bring up the subject of your future together and ask for a commitment here are 3 tips that will help to make it easier:
1. Whatever you do, do not start this conversation when you are upset.
If you’ve been bottling up your feelings for too long, you may reach a boiling point where out of the blue you attack him with anger and blame. Most men get Read more »
