Attract, Keep And Marry The
Love Of Your Life!

You’ve probably thought you were experiencing true love more than a once, only to find what you were feeling was the need to feel wanted or special.

I went through this a lot when I was younger. I wouldn’t say what I was feeling at the time wasn’t love, but it just wasn’t a love that could last through time. It was selfish, centered around my own needs. The love I was in was an immature love.

I was a late bloomer when it came to love. I had to “grow up” and become a full person in my own right before I could experience true love.

Each one of us is born with the desire to be loved and cared for; it’s something that never goes away. We may lose our hair and the trim figure of our youth, but the need and desire for true love doesn’t diminish with time. As Frank A. Clark says: “A baby is born with a need to be loved and never outgrows it.”

There are more than 3 ways to know if you are experiencing true love, but these 3 are the building blocks of every strong, committed relationship. They’re also the qualities I had to make a priority when I was looking for the man I wanted to share my life with.

How you can be sure it’s true love:

1. You fight well together.  This means you know how to disagree with each other without causing irreparable damage to the other person. In other words you don’t threaten to breakup or walk out just to get your way. You don’t use cruelty as a weapon hurt the other person. We all say things in anger at times that aren’t pretty and we regret, but it’s needs to be a rare event and not a pattern of fighting. Being able to disagree and discuss differences with respect and openness is necessary for a happy relationship.
2. You feel safe. Dr. Phil says it best when he refers to your partner as “a soft place to fall.” God knows dealing with everyday frustrations and the craziness of the world is stressful enough. We don’t need any added pressure from those closest to us. If you can’t feel safe to be you and to express yourself in your relationship, you’re probably not feeling true love. Love can’t grow unless it nurtured with kindness.
3. You accept each other as you are. An important indication of true love is when you can stop judging the person you’re with and see them as a unique individual with their own frialties and quirks. Judgment is one of the biggest destroyers of love and connection. Mother Teresa said it best, “If you judge people you have no time to love them.” When you judge another, the tendency is to want to change them. This is a way we tell ourselves we’re right and the other person is wrong. If you want to be right about everything you will never be happy.

True love has a special feeling about it, a sense of non-attachment. It’s a blessing that let’s us transcend our ego-based need for love and move into a place of giving love that is free from selfish motives and is unconditional.

Breaking up is hard enough, but when there’s another woman involved, it’s doubly difficult. It doesn’t matter if she is drop dead beautiful or plain as toast; either way feels like someone just stuck a knife in your back.

When another woman comes into the picture it’s particularly hard to overcome the heartbreak. It feels as though you’re out of control; that everything’s gone crazy. Any chance you might have had to work things out is gone because now he has a new woman in his life.

Your shattered ego will desperately try to repair its hurt pride. It will urge you to find out why this happened. You’ll scrutinize his feelings and begin to assume all kinds of reasons why he picked her over you. You think that finding an explanation will make you feel better.

This won’t fix your heartbreak, you’ll only end up blaming yourself for lacking something that you imagine she must have.

The first thing you have to do is let go of trying to figure out what happened and why. I know it’s easier said than done, but you’ll tend to build her up in her mind because she “has” him and you don’t. If you focus too much on her and make her the “bad guy,” you’ll get [continue reading…]

Choosing your life partner is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. When you chose the man who’ll be beside you every day, it can’t help but directly impact every aspect of your life.

So when I see women looking for love who approach finding their “soulmate” with so little concern about it’s true importance, I feel overwhelming frustration. They meet and date perfectly good men, men who want to be in a committed relationship; but then they treat these men as if they were nothing special, as if there were plenty more where they came from. They make the same mistakes with men over and over again, get the same results, and are in complete denial about their own behavior. This tells me they don’t take themselves or dating seriously enough.

I’ve also seen women transform into adolescent girls when they date; they have no regard to consequences. When they do this they diminish themselves and of course get less than spectacular results with men. How can you stop sabotaging your dates and give looking for love the importance it needs?

Here are the 3 common mistakes you may be making:

1. You break your own rules: How many times have you changed your mind on a date and let yourself be persuaded to break your own rules? The rule I see women break the most often is about when to have sex. You know what I’m talking about. You’ve determined you won’t go to bed with a man until you both agree to be monogamous. You’ve promised yourself not to sleep with a man who is also sleeping with other women. But as soon as you begin to date a man you’re attracted too, you get caught up in the moment and like an impressionable young girl, you give in. You get intimate too soon with a man you could really care about. It changes everything and you’ve hardly gotten to know each other. Breaking this rule rarely works out in the long run. Here are some other rules you might find yourself breaking: you pursue him instead of being patient. You give more attention to him than he’s giving to you. Or you lose yourself and make his needs more important than your own.
2. You don’t fix what’s not working: Human beings tend to like the familiar. We have a comfort zone we find hard to leave unless we’re really pushed. Life-changing experiences like illness or a car accident will propel you to make new and daring choices. But when life is just going along as usual,  you can get lazy and avoid making the changes you need to be more successful with men. One example is the fear of “making waves” in a relationship. Instead of speaking up for yourself, which can be a real challenge, you’ll go with the flow to keep the peace. Or if you’re used to having your guard up around men, you don’t risk being hurt by allowing yourself to be vulnerable. You just stick to being the way you’ve always been because it’s easier than facing the fear of the change you need to make.
3. You haven’t handled your subconscious sabotage: We all have subconscious sabotage; it keeps us eating too much, buying what we don’t need and pushing good men away. Yet it’s something you can change once you become aware of it. The subconscious controls your habitual ways of being in relationships. For example, it will show up as a lack of self-worth or confidence, which makes it hard for you to set boundaries. You have to recognize what the habitual thoughts are that aren’t working for you and change them. When a subconscious belief that is hurting you is made conscious (when you become aware of it) it will get “neutralized” and no longer “run you.” There are many ways to get at your subconscious beliefs, but three excellent ones are hypnotherapy, coaching, and guided imagery

Looking for love is a serious business

If you’re really serious about looking for love ,you have to take the bull by the horns and do these three things. They will require courage. You have to stop breaking your own rules, change the things you do that you know aren’t working, and finally, find out how you’ve been subconsciously sabotaging your relationships.

If you take your search for a good man seriously and do these 3 things — when you find him you’ll know exactly what to do to keep him.