When you talk about your life, especially when you meet a new man, do you do you portray yourself as a victim? You might be quick to say no, but knowing how you come across to others is difficult. You can be so used to thinking a certain way that you are no longer aware of how you express yourself.
You may start off with a complaint about a little thing, like the traffic. But that can lead you to more complaints about other things; your work, your last boyfriend, or the state of the government. It can feel so familiar that you are unaware you’re doing it.
I saw this in action on my vacation when I met Rachel, a 39 year old Australian woman and Mimosa, her 10 year old daughter. They sat down at the table next to us at our hotel restaurant.
Rachel was very friendly and started talking to us right away. She told us about her
travels and it soon became a monologue on her part. She elaborated on every bad experience she had gone through during her month-long journey through Thailand.She complained about the people she met and places she stayed. Not only that, she had run out of money and now found herself penniless. She then proceeded to buy herself a $20 bottle of wine by putting it on her room tab.
I realized her banter was her way of indirectly asking us to take pity on her and her daughter. I could see she was hoping we would offer her money. More interestingly, I noticed that she particularly focused on my husband as she talked, playing to his manly sense of being a rescuer. However, he could see what she was doing as well.
She was the classic example of a damsel in distress. Her whole presentation
cried out “save me.”
We watched as she spent two glorious days at the beach resort hunkered down in the office on the phone trying to find someone back home to send her money. She was finally successful, but I still felt for her. There is a price to pay when you take on the victim role.
She was unaware of how she was presenting herself and especially the example she was setting for her daughter. When we left she was still waiting for her money as she continued to charge her meals and drinks to the hotel.
If you think you may be playing the “damsel” in your life, you might want to challenge yourself and begin to change your “victim talk.” It isn’t such an easy thing to do, but just a small change in your thinking can change your life experience.
A man may want to rescue you at first, but once he’s done, so his work is done as well. And if a man is a chronic rescuer, after he takes care of you he will need to find a new damsel to rescue.