Most of us have made the mistake of trying to define a relationship too soon. We find ourselves dating a man who finally ticks most of our boxes and we start to get excited. Life feels good and we’re floating down the street singing to ourselves. In the headiness of a new relationship insecurity and doubt are replaced by new-found confidence. We love ourselves again.
Things are going our way and life feels like a bowl of cherries. Every cliché about love seems right and you’re happier than you’ve been in a long, long time. You forget about dating advice you’ve gotten in the past. Now you feel like you just know this man, you understand him and, most importantly, he’s yours.
But watch out, this can be deceiving and you can fall into the “I need to know where this relationship is going!” trap.
The reality is that you don’t really know him yet. You’re in the honeymoon phase, wearing rosy glasses and you’re a little out of your mind. The heady feeling of this new romance empowers you. You’re a little full of yourself, almost cocky. Dating advice flies out of your head. You’re sure he’s crazy about you so it won’t hurt if you push just a little bit. Why shouldn’t he give you a little reassurance that he’s feeling the same way you’re feeling?
Now here’s the question; if you’re feeling so good, why do you need to push? Well, maybe because the “high” this new relationship has been giving you is wearing off. The confidence and reassurance you get from new love is only temporary if it’s not your natural state. It doesn’t take long for your old insecurities to rise up to push you from behind. You feel you must have proof that this relationship will have the “happy ever after” you’re looking for.
Dating Advice: so here’s the trap…
Wanting to know where a relationship is going before the time is right is a big no-no and the fastest way to kill a budding romance. Men, for the most part, take their time to be sure about a woman; they enjoy getting to know you. They’re not focused on the end goal.
But you may be way ahead him. You’ve been dating and having great sex so you’re assuming you have a future. You try to control your enthusiasm but before long you have this need to know how he feels. You want ask him, “Where is this relationship going?”
The truth is probably that he doesn’t know how he feels. You want an answer but he may not have even asked himself the question.
Don’t make the dating mistake of moving too fast. If you know this is your tendency, work on your self-esteem and hold off on intimacy until you really know the man you’re dating. Dating presents you with the opportunity to get to know someone over time through new experiences and situations. Stay focused on the present and have fun.