Your search for a man to marry isn’t just about the actions you take out in the world; it requires that you make sure your “two minds” are aligned and in agreement about what you want for your life.
Your first mind is the conscious mind, it takes care of your day-to-day existence. It’s logical and analytical and knows the logistics of what you need to do to find a man. It will give you practical strategies, like Internet dating or going to mixers.
Your other mind is the subconscious, it holds all your memories and the emotional associations that you’ve connected to them since you were an infant. For example, a phrase you heard when you were 5 years old, such as “She’s such a pain Jane” can give you a sense of not being pretty decades later. The adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me” isn’t true when you’re a child.
Unless your subconscious AGREES with your conscious mind’s desire to be married it will keep sabotaging all your efforts to find a man. If you don’t believe me look at a habitual smoker, they consciously know they are hurting their body and they want to stop, but their subconscious mind associates smoking with good feelings and overrides the mind’s good sense. Almost every time, when you are making a decision, emotion will overpower logic.
If you feel you’ve been sabotaging your relationships it’s time to get in touch with your deeper feelings. You have to explore your fears around relationships because at the bottom of all resistance there is a fear that drives it. You’ll find your fear probably goes back to the years when you were a small child, mostlikely before you were 8. Common fears are not being lovable or not being “enough.”
Here are some judgments your fears may have created around relationships that are preventing you from finding a good man to marry:
1. If a man gets close, he’ll see my flaws
2. I will lose myself in the relationship and feel out of control
3. Any man who would want me can’t be a good man
4. It won’t last and I’ll have to go through a painful breakup
5. I’ll loose my freedom
All these judgments are triggered by your deeper fears that have nothing to do with the present or reality.
The good news is that if you allow your subconscious fears to see the light of day — when let yourself recognize them and remember how the came to be — they will no longer have power over you.
You will stop sabotaging your relationships and be free to find the man who is right for you: a good man to marry.