There’s no way to avoid having a Big Talk with your partner at some point in your relationship. It will happen more for some of us than others, but whether you’ve been together 40 years or a couple of weeks it’s going to be a challenge and cause you stress.
A Big Talk is never easy. We naturally know what we want the outcome to be but there’s no way we can predict how our partner will react. After all we wouldn’t be having the Big Talk unless there was something important we’ve held on to and not expressed or shared.
Here are 3 tips to make your Big Talk a success.
1. Do not have the talk until you feel calm and confident. You must be free of anger or blame or you’ll trigger the same in your partner. If you portray yourself as a victim he will get defensive because that’s making him the “bad guy.” He won’t hear what you’re trying to tell him. You must be open to what your partner tells you without making him wrong. I will repeat that. You must be open to what your partner tells you without making him wrong.
2. Believe in what you have to say or don’t say it. Unless you’re ready to stick up for yourself you better not get into a Big Talk. Backing down or changing your position because of fear of his reaction or losing him makes you wishy-washy. It will weaken your relationship. If you do this he’ll never trust you to take care of yourself. It shows him you think his needs more important than your own.
3. Before A Big Talk send him love. Yes, I said something woo-woo but it works! Spend at least 5 minutes with your eyes closed preparing for your talk by imagining your heart connecting to his. Visualize a “heart cord” connecting you both and send him love. We are all connected energetically and he will receive your energy vibes. He needs to “feel” you, that you are open to him and that you two are connected. You want this Big Talk to be honest and heart-centered, not intellectual and heady.
Every relationship is a negotiation and it’s not easy to express your feelings, needs and wants to someone who you know may have different ideas than you.
But Big Talks create Big Understanding and Big Intimacy. When you’re on the other side of one and still together it feels great. They’re a right of passage for the relationship and teach you how to better communicate with each other.