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Your Subconscious Mind: Is It Keeping You Single?

No matter how many times you tell yourself consciously you want to marry, there is most likely a part of your mind that is afraid and wants just the opposite. You can literally be at cross-purposes with yourself. It’s the battle between what your conscious mind thinks it wants and how your subconscious mind feels about it. This conflict will create a real psychological tug-of-war that needs to be resolved.

The power of your subconscious mind is huge. It never rests – it has controlled all the functions of your body from the moment you took your first breath. Through processes that even scientists can’t explain, it creates bone and tissue from the food you eat and the miracle of new life in a woman’s womb.

It’s the storehouse of all your memories – even the forgotten ones; a repository of every experience you’ve ever had. It’s referred to as the subconscious because you are not actively aware of its effect on you, and yet all your choices and decisions are influenced by it.

If you find yourself challenged around relationships, it is important for you to dig below the surface and make those subconscious beliefs known to your conscious mind. The subconscious does what it thinks is in your best interest; it protects you as if your very survival depended on it. If it has accepted the belief from early childhood that you are not worthy of being loved, it will do everything it can to sabotage any new love interest that comes your way.

The adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me” isn’t true when you’re a child. For example: You may be unaware how a phrase you heard when you were 5 years old, such as “She’s a ’Plain Jane’” has contributed to your inability to feel confidence as a woman – even decades later.

One of my clients was shocked to find out that when she just a baby, she had absorbed the message that she “should have been a boy.” This revelation allowed her the liberating experience of finally being able to own her femininity and relish in her womanly attributes.

You will need to do some serious introspection and find the ideas and associations the subconscious mind has absorbed that have kept you single.
There are many ways to get in touch with your subconscious thoughts. The most commonly known methods are through journaling, meditation or hypnosis.
What is true is that when you allow a subconscious thought to become conscious – when you remember it or recognize it – it no longer has power over you and no longer runs your life.

So once you know what has contributed to keeping you single, you can then enjoy both your minds working together to create the marriage you seek.

{ 9 comments… add one }
  • Anonymous January 14, 2011, 9:44 pm

    It really depressing to think that our subconscious is keeping us single just because someone has told us we were not worthy when we were children.

    A phrase someone said in a moment ? It feels really change. And the solution is to acknowledge the phrase… It sounds really difficult….

  • Virginia Feingold Clark January 17, 2011, 4:52 pm

    Hi Anonymous, Thanks for writing. 
It’s daunting to think something from your past can affect your life today but it is also liberating! If you feel that it may be true for you, then it’s not so difficult to discover what it is.

    I suggest you take about 10 to 15 minutes a day to close your eyes and be quiet. Use this time to reflect on how you’re feeling about yourself. You’ll discover some negative beliefs you’ve taken on that are not true, and then you’ll be able to let them go.

    Let me know what you discover.

  • Anne January 21, 2011, 9:00 pm

    Hi, I am 50 years young and have wanted to be married ever since I was little. I have anger issues towards men and women but alot of sexual abuse stuff that I have been working on since I was 22. I have had alot of boyfriends and was married rela young and divorced 4 years latter. what else can I do?

  • Anonymous January 22, 2011, 11:16 pm

    Hi I'm 50 this April and still single. I realize that my father acted like he never loved me and my mother also told me I was not loved as a baby by him. My sister has also confirmed that as children they teased me that I was not one of them so I know the power of the unconscious mind. It is sad to say but I now understand that that was possible what has kept me single until now but I am committed to creating a marriage relationship. I have set my intention and most of the times remain hopeful however there are times when I slip back and what I need is a way to keep me focused. I look forward to your feedback.

  • Virginia Feingold Clark January 23, 2011, 4:28 pm

    Being aware of the messages you recieved as a child is half the battle. You can help to stay focused by writing down positive affirmations every morning when you wake up and at night before you go to sleep. You can even say them out loud when you wash the dishes. Also, meditation helps you to get perspective and objectivity about yourself. Stay hopeful and hold on to your intention, things can change in an instant!

  • Anonymous January 28, 2011, 3:56 am

    Thanks so much for the info about the power of the subconsious…. and how to 'hear' it….

  • Anonymous February 14, 2011, 4:40 am

    I was sexually abused when I was 7 years old by my mothers boyfriend. I later lived with a boyfriend from the time I was 17 until I was 21 who used to both physically and mentally abuse me…his mother was into astrology, she "read" my astrological chart and said I would never be happy in love. I can't get that out of my head now that I am single again and 55…what can I do?

  • margareta February 17, 2011, 7:52 pm

    hi, just a quick one, why not look at it as instead of you would "never be happy in love", you would never "just be happy in love". In fact love is sooo many more things with a partner than just to be happy that your astrological chart 'was right' that you would be so much more than just happy in love…i too was sexually abused when i was 7 and i always remember my mother yelling at me "no man will ever love you" i was just 16, but even then i believed in myself and i looked her straight in the eye and i said…"mum, one day a man is going to love me for me". i read some chinese scripture once that said our lives are ruled: 30% by fate and 70% by destiny, that means we have the power to steer ourselves towards the goals and dreams in our hearts and to never ever let anyone or anything try to stand in our way. your thoughts are your own, try to become aware of your thoughts and listen, then change them. talk to yourself, be your own best friend, tell yourself what you would tell someone you really cared about, do that to yourself and before long your x's mothers words will not be stronger than your own, they wont affect you like they once did.
    if you want to let go of all excuses and the "victim" mentality. give someone love, tell them how you feel and you just never know…

  • Anonymous February 23, 2011, 11:08 pm

    When I was a child I heard my grandma said, "One day this child will be rich." Funny, being rich has never been my chief aim in life. My grandpa also once told me to "keep a lot of friends in life, that is the only riches I can leave you, my friends will always look after you and the family once I'm gone." Funny again because I was too shy of a girl to have more than one friend throughout my younger years.

    Fast forward now, I was married for two years at 21, been divorced since up until now turning 38. Never could see myself as a man's shadow or Mrs. to somebody as a life title, I feel that I have a higher calling, a higher duty to mankind, which in my heart will be bring me success, wealth and happiness in return – my grandmother's words could be following me around in my subconscious.
    Along the way of self discovery, I made a lot of good friends, I became very outspoken and an extrovert – words of wisdom left by grandfather embedded in subconscious. Now the question is, whose words am I following since I can't seem to get myself to find a man just enough for me. Everywhere I turn, men seems so unattractive to me, thus I'm unmarried, although I wish to be happy in love as well.

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