Most romantic relationships start out strong. There’s usually instant physical attraction and the heady feeling that you actually may be falling in love. As things progress, you get more confidence in the relationship, in your ability to love and be loved. Soon you have no doubt that you have found your perfect partner.
But most of the relationships you’ll go through will suffer a break up until you actually meet Mr. Right. These relationships are not meant to last and will begin to fall apart anywhere from a few months to a few years. If the man is the one who makes the decision to walk away, it can leave you devastated and confused. After a break up like this, you will be desperate for answers.
You’ll think of love you shared and assume it should still be there. Even if there were signs before the break up that things were changing for the worse, you will find yourself clinging to the memory of the past and how good it was.
Why do we persist in continuing a sense of disbelief and longing for a relationship and a man who is no longer there?
Well, brain specialists have recognized this can be a biological occurrence in our brains. You can become “addicted” to a state of mind that keeps you in state of longing for the past. After a break up you can actually remember everything that happened in an ultra-positive light. You see the past through rose-colored glasses and only focus on the times when he was good and loving.
This is a mental trap. It will keep you stuck in the present with a broken heart and broken dreams. By longing for the past you’ll keep obsessing on an old relationship for months and even years.
The best way to change these obsessive thoughts and release the past for good is to make yourself do an autopsy of the relationship. You need to make yourself get real; remember the things that were not so good. After all, if it was all good you’d still be together. You have to burst the bubble of your fantasy and let yourself see how he wasn’t perfect, and either were you.
Telling yourself that because love was there once it should therefore still be there is the formula for self-delusion. The nature of being human is our feelings change, and sometimes we don’t know why — they just do.
After a break up be aware of your thoughts
If you find yourself reaching back to the past for proof he still loves you, stop! Don’t let longing take over your thinking.
The best thing you can do is accept the change in his feelings; even he can’t explain it and you don’t understand it. Avoid looking back and start to look forward again to meeting your Mr. Right.