One of life’s certainties is that along the way you will have to let go of some people, places and things, even when you don’t want to. Letting go requires releasing the emotional attachment and moving forward in your life.
One of the hardest times to let go is when a relationship comes to end before its time. When you are faced with someone letting you go first, it seems unfair and particularly cruel. You will ask yourself over and over again why is this happening to me? What did I do wrong?
No matter what the circumstances of your breakup, no matter who is “at fault,” in the end you will have to let go and move on with your life. This will feel like a small death and, in truth, it is. The relationship has died, taking away with it all the good memories of the past and the dreams for the future.
You need to give yourself time to morn, to allow yourself to feel the pain of loss. It’s important that you go through this time without judging yourself as being weak or feeling sorry for yourself. If you put off this very important step you may find yourself unable to let go for a very long time. If you push down and avoid the pain you are feeling it will only fester within you. It will shake your confidence and chip away at your self-esteem. It will drain your energy and can manifest in your body as sickness or fatigue.
The practical part of you now needs a voice to balance the emotional. When you have allowed the tears to flow and given yourself time to feel the loss, you need to dig deep inside and discover what you can learn form your experience. You don’t want the ending of the relationship to define the time you shared, it’s important to acknowledge what was positive and hold on to that.
It’s particularly hard to believe that they no longer love you in the same way, because you still love them. But if they have told you it is over, it’s best to take them at their word. It’s time to fully accept that his feelings for you have changed. It’s futile to try to reason or to argue: you can’t make someone love you. For reasons known or unknown, the man you love has decided that he no longer wants to be with you. That is painful to accept, but ultimately it is more painful to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you.
You may long for the early days of the relationship when everything felt good and you were both so in love. You may actually wish you could go back in time and relive that time all over again. But if you did, you would inevitably end up back at this point. There is no escaping the way things have unfolded.
There is only one sure way to relieve the pain of a break-up: acceptance. The pain you feel is caused by the part of you that doesn’t want to let go, that doesn’t want to believe that things have changed. This part of you keeps you thinking about him obsessively as if somehow you can just will him back to you. This will only prolong your suffering.
You believe you have to power to get him back, but the only power you have is over yourself and how you feel. Being able tolet go gracefully and to accept what has happened will be a big relief.
As hard as it is, you need to take your eyes of him and recommit to your life, to make yourself a priority. The one constant in your life is you – and you are the one thing you will never have to let go.