Unavailable men can be your biggest nightmare. But I’m not going to “bash” unavailable men or blame them for all the trail of heartbreak they leave behind them. If you look below the surface of these men, you just might find a family history that’s caused him to shut down his emotions and avoid getting close to a woman.
We’re all just human and our life experience is a big determiner of how we view the world. Two major factors that make you you, are your biology and your environment. Now some people are just born with brains that are different, but most of us are shaped by our histories. If you’re dealing with an unavailable man; most likely under that seemingly callus skin there is vulnerable and wounded person.
I’m not advocating that you get involved with one of these men, what I want to promote is a compassion and some understanding that these men aren’t against you…they are fighting themselves.
There are different degrees of unavailable men. Some can actually be helped if they meet the right woman and if they’re motivated to change. What you need to have is the ability to recognize who is worth you time and who will just lead you into misery and pain.
Unavailable men are people too
If you’ve been involved with unavailable men you might have a better chance at discerning who the tough cases are. If you’ve learn from you mistakes in the past you will be able to figure out if a particular man is worth you giving him a chance. If you think he has the ability to change, you have to move forward with your eyes wide open. There is no room here for “wishful hoping.
If you want to open him up you need to model for him your strength by being vulnerable yourself. (True vulnerablity is strength and if you avoid it, it makes you weak.)
You can help to build up his self-esteem by guiding him gently into trusting you as a woman. All this will take time, and only if you are willing to be honest with yourself, and know that you can walk away, should you apply yourself to this task.
Not all unavailable men will remain so forever, and to have some compassion for their plight will make you a more loving human being and a better woman.