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How Well Do You Really Know Him?

“I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.”

~Maya Angelou

Have you ever been surprised by a man who seemingly becomes a totally different person than you thought you knew?

When suddenly your sweet mild-mannered date gets out-of-control angry at a driver on the freeway and puts you both at risk as he speeds up to catch the offending car.

Or when your charming, well-mannered date suddenly becomes abusive and nasty to a waitress and refuses to leave her a tip.

When you’ve been dating a man a for a few weeks or even a few months and you really like him, it’s natural for your mind to fill in the blanks about what you don’t know about him yet.Your imagination will endow him with all the great qualities you’ve written down on your wish list of what you want in a man. Your feelings of sexual attraction and excitement for this new budding relationship carry you away. In your eyes he is now the perfect man for you.

The result at this “infatuation stage” is that you fall fast and hard and the part of you that longs for romance jumps to all sorts of conclusions about what a great man he is. In your eyes he becomes everything you’ve ever wanted, and you already can see him as your ideal husband.

To find the right man, you have to hold back your wishful thinking and let time reveal the truth of who he is. He will not be perfect and he will have faults, just like you.

Be aware of what you assume you know about this “stranger” and take off your rosey glasses.

I’m not saying to expect the worst from a man and watch for it, I’m just warning you that because your desire for a relationship is so strong your tendency will be to only see what will get you closer to that reality.

If you can refrain from making instant judgments and keep some objectivity through the headiness of a new romance, you will feel more in control and more confident about yourself.

You will be much less likely to end up on “Oprah” or “Dr. Phil” complaining about the surprises and unexpected revelations you’ve had with your man.

{ 2 comments… add one }
  • Mary A. Muckle May 14, 2011, 5:39 am

    I have met my husband to be and it all started on the on line dating. The first time we met, I could tell that he really like me, but I did not think that he was the one. But on the second date I aloud him to kiss me and I knew instantly that he was to be my new husband. Like your article said, I aloud looks to play a part of our first meeting. He is a little over weight and about my height. At that time I was looking at the outward appearance, not into the heart. Every time we meet, I fall more and more in love with him. I can see the beauty and love that he has not only for me, but for all around him. He is the most given person I have ever met. We have set a date to be married, but I can not tell you right now, but I will be sure to let you know as soon as I can. We want our families to accept us and at present it’s taking them some time. We have given them one year to see if they will and if not we will get married and move on with our lives. But we both feel our families are very important and we really want them to share the love we have for each other.

  • Virginia Feingold Clark May 19, 2011, 11:48 am

    Your post is so positive and you and your fiance seem to be a great match. I hope your families will come around, but if not, you do need to get on with your lives. I wish a long and happy life together!

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