This is a picture of my dog, Buddy. When we rescued him he had a mouthful of rotten teeth. The vet had to remove 22 of his 42 teeth. When we brought him home I noticed he looked different. Because of his missing front teeth his tongue now lolls out the side of his mouth most of the time. I found it endearing. This “flaw” made me love him more and gave him a distinction that is uniquely his.
It got me to thinking about women and how we are bombarded from all directions with physical examples of beauty that are just not real. The result is that we can be so damn hard on ourselves and think that to get a man’s attention we have to be perfect. It’s all too easy to be super-conscious of imperfections as if they were the only thing a man sees when he meets you. Women tell me all the time they worry about their looks; that they need to lose weight their skin is bad or that they’re contemplating plastic surgery. These women find it hard to believe they can get a man’s attention being themselves. They feel they have to be a perfect package.
I’ve had personal experience with this. As a teenager my mother offered to pay to get my nose fixed. It was pointed out to me that my face wasn’t right because my nose was “ethnic,” meaning too big. I turned down the offer because the idea of surgery was frightening, but I took to heart what her offer implied. There was something wrong with me that made me unattractive, so much so that surgery was needed.
If that feels familiar and you put yourself down a lot, most likely you learned to judge yourself harshly from one or both of your parents. I’ve talked to many women whose mothers were unrelenting in their judgment and criticism of them. Most of the focus revolved around their physical attributes: being too heavy, bad skin and unattractive hair.
When I think of the people around me I love, most have what I would call endearing “flaws.” None of them are perfect and these imperfections are what makes them unique and gives them charater.
You can get a man’s attention by embracing your flaws
I know this for a fact. When I was in my late 20’s struggling to be an actress in Hollywood, I was approached by a big talent agent. She told me
that she would represent me if I (wait for it) I got my nose fixed! Did I give her offer serious consideration? Yes. But at the time Barbara Streisand was one of my role models and I knew I would never be able to fully feel comfortable if I had it done. I am not saying corrective surgery is wrong, it was just wrong for me.
Needless to say, I was never signed by the big agent. I decided, like Streisand, to embrace my nose and put the idea of changing it to rest.
As fate would have it, I did get a man’s attention because of my nose. My husband has always liked what he calls “stronge noses” (maybe because he doesn’t have one) and mine happened to be beautiful to him. It endeared me to him and like my dog Buddy, made me unique and special in his eyes.
I ask you to rethink what you consider is wrong with your appearence and to remember love is blind. One man’s nightmare is another man’s fantasy. You will get a man’s attention because of your specialness and that man will be the right man for you!