Do you need more intimacy in your relationship? This may be a hard question to answer. You may be experiencing “physical intimacy” with a man but you can mistake that for being truly intimate. But there comes a time after you’ve been dating a while when you have to ask yourself — am I feeling emotionally close to him?
You might care for your man deeply but struggle with the fact you can’t get him to open up to you beyond having somewhat superficial conversations. You try to tell him more of what you’re thinking and feeling but find that he’s not reciprocating.
If this pattern of staying “on the surface of things” becomes part of your relationship, you’ll find yourself adapting and being afraid to bring up topics that are important to you. You’ll have an inner knowing that if you ask for more intimacy in your relationship you may scare him away or displease him by burdening him with your thoughts.
A relationship where you have to limit your conversations to subjects that you know are “safe” can go on for months or even years. When you enter an unspoken agreement of what subjects are off limits with a man you end up sharing everything with him except your true self.
Holding yourself back from more intimacy is emotionally painful and will leave you with anxiety and stress.
I understand how bad this can feel because for years I went out with men who were entertaining and fun, but pretty much unavailable for meaningful or deep conversation. It was like they projected a barrier around themselves that said, “Don’t bother me with your stuff, I’m not interested in going there with you.”
Here are 3 ways to create more intimacy in your relationship:
- You need to find the courage to speak up. You’re half of the couple and your needs and desires are worth as much as his.
- When you begin to open up be aware of the timing. Make it a time where they’re no distractions such as the TV or computer. Create a time when you can relax together so it’s easier and more natural to talk.
- A man will learn by example. If you begin to open up in an honest and gentle way, you may find he will begin to feel safe enough to open up as well.
Ultimately, to have a fulfilling relationship you need to be able to share your true self. You will most likely be the one to make the first move creating more intimacy. If all your efforts fail and he resists opening up to you, you will have to decide if you want to stay in a relationship that lacks this kind of closeness and sharing.
It may be scary to change the rules and be open with him but the reward will be great. You’ll feel more confident and feel that you’re truly part of a couple. Your efforts will be a small price to pay for the benefit of having more intimacy with your man and having deepened your connection with him.