When I talk to women who are in long-term relationships or dating they will often say, “He’s perfect, he’s everything I want in a man BUT IF ONLY HE WOULD …”
You can fill in the blanks: Dress better, kiss me more, watch less TV, spend less time with the guys, loose weight, drink less, call more, get a job, stop smoking…and on and on.
If this sounds familiar, you may want to look a little deeper into what is actually going on with you.
If you’re too focused on how you want your man to change, it can become all you think about whenever you are with him. By focusing on the thing you want him to do differently — you may find yourself distracted from other aspects of the relationship that may need your attention.
You can find yourself constantly worring about when he will change but be unable to talk about it with him because you don’t want to nag him.
You may begin to think your future happiness in the relationship depends solely on his changing this one thing: “If only he would call me more I would finally feel secure and confident that he loves me.”
If you can’t stopping wanting him to change you need to ask yourself if you can stay in this relationship AND BE HAPPY IF HE NEVER MAKES THE CHANGE YOU WANT.
This is important to consider because in reality all you have is the present and you can’t know what will happen in the future.
If you are basing your happiness on a change he may make in the future (especially if he’s promised you he would) you will be stuck in a state of limbo because you will be holding back a part of your love until he does.
If you are waiting for him to exercise, and if he never did, could you accept that and be happy?
If you are waiting for him to stop drinking too much, and if he never did, could you accept that and be happy?
You need to be honest with yourself and determine if his behavior is a “deal-breaker” in your relationship. You can’t be afraid. Ask him to make the change you need, he will either be willing to change or not.
If you can be okay with how he is now, stop focusing on the change you want him to make and move your attention on other things.