When I was in my 20’s I couldn’t wait for the next issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine to hit the newsstands. It was always packed full of irresistible articles with titillating headlines like “Secrets to Drive Him Crazy in Bed.” The magazine cleverly focused on men and sex and sold millions of copies to insecure and confused women like myself.
I can say with authority that nothing has changed in “Cosmo world” in forty plus years and this is how I know.
I took my car for an oil change. As I waited on a very uncomfortable lumpy couch I noticed the August 2012 issue of “Cosmopolitan” on the table. Not having looked at one in so long I couldn’t resist. I hungrily reached for it and began to read.
I wasn’t disappointed. The first article I opened to was titled, “The #1 Quality Men Want in Bed.” Well, that’ easy I thought.
I assumed the answer would be “confidence,” which I equate with a woman being comfortable with herself. But they had asked this question to 200 men and confidence came in second. It turns out the #1 quality they found men want in bed is “enthusiasm.”
I love the word! Enthusiasm implies being totally engaged and excited. It’s a wonderful quality we have as children but can lose as we get older.
The thesaurus lists the many qualities of enthusiasm; just imagine how these play a part in creating a good time in bed:
“Eagerness, keenness, ardor, fervor, passion, zeal, zest, gusto, energy, verve, vigor, vehemence, fire, spirit, avidity; wholeheartedness, commitment, willingness, devotion, earnestness.”
What men want in bed: to know you’re present.
So turning this idea around — what do men (and let me add women) want least in bed? The opposite of enthusiasm; apathy and half-heartedness.
Have these qualities crept into your relationship without you noticing? Do you avoid making an effort with your man because you feel uninspired? If you feel apathy in bed you need to re-engage and get excited again. What men want in bed is to feel that the woman is enthusiastically enjoying the moment with them.
At Cosmopolitan not much has changed; and women of all ages — even an older women like myself — can still get pulled in. Let’s face it, “Cosmo” knows we will always want to know the answer to what men want in bed.