Are you afraid to tell a man the truth because you might lose him? Do you hold back on saying what you need and want your relationship because he’ll think that you’re too demanding?
My client Sandy was scared to tell her boyfriend of 5 years that she was unhappy with their routine. For all those years she had put up with staying in and watching TV with him on weekends, when what she really wanted was for him to take her out to dinner and dancing. She loved to dance but he thought dancing was “silly.” She allowed him to dictate what they did together, which gave him all the power in the relationship.
A part of her knew that he was not going to step up and give her what she wanted even if she asked. Over the years she had become more timid and compliant; she was convinced that if she asked him to take her out he would think she was being too demanding and a bitch.
Her problem was not being too demanding or bitchy, it was just the opposite, she was too nice for her own good.
My relationship advice is you can be sure that if you’re afraid of coming off like a bitch, the truth is most likely you’re not one! Only good girls worry about how they’re being perceived — bitches could care less.
Relationship Advice – don’t play games!
In a similar vein, another client, Amanda, is stuck playing in a serious bridge game once a week with her partner and his friends. She spends hours playing a card game she hates. She’s afraid if she admits she doesn’t enjoy it, she’ll no longer be a part of his life.
Is all this pretending worth it to keep a man? Absolutely not! If you can’t be loved for who you are then what’s the point? You are trampling on your integrity and your self-worth.
You can stop this dishonest behavior before it starts by speaking up about what you don’t like from the beginning. If you don’t, before you know it you’ll be stuck in playing a role in your relationship that isn’t real. By then it will be practically impossible to change the “rules” and you will have lost sight of your authentic self.