Remember the heady feeling that takes over you when you fall for a new man? The thrill of knowing that someone you’re interested in actually wants and desires you? Suddenly, all sense of not being good enough vanishes and you feel whole again. You feel a sense of confidence in yourself that you think will never go away, you feel you have arrived at a perfect place.
But as you may have discovered — that wonderful sense of yourself disappears and will continue to do so until you create the self-esteem and confidence you want through your own actions.
It took me years to understand this, I was like a yo-yo in and out of relationships, feeling beautiful and invincible one moment, then ugly and worthless the next. I didn’t know what “loving myself” actually meant, I could give it lip-service, but I didn’t have a clue.
If you need improvement in this area here are some ideas that can help you:
1. Set boundaries for yourself, rules that you stick by that preserve your integrity and protect you from men who don’t have your best interest at heart.
2. Speak up for yourself, give voice to your opinions and be your own champion. No one else will do this for you. You are the only person who can truly have your best interest at heart all the time. You can only build up your sense of worthiness by taking good care of yourself.
3. Forgive yourself for what you perceive are your faults. This is not always so easy to do. It starts with acknowledging that you can’t be perfect. You and everyone else has a dark side that will take over every now and then. You won’t always do what you think is right, and you will make mistakes.
You can bet you need more self-love if you’re in an abusive relationship or letting a man treat you as if you don’t matter. If you do #1 and #2 you will find yourself disengaging from that kind of hurtful behavior and feeling a new sense of pride in yourself.
One way to feel better about yourself is to commit to the idea that everything that happens has something to teach you. As you learn your lessons, you’ll find you become a better person.
If it seems impossible that you could ever feel good about yourself, get professional help to guide you through the process.
It doesn’t have to take long, it just requires that you be willing to see yourself differently.