Does it feel like you do all the work in your relationships? That if you didn’t make things happen everything would fall apart?
For years this was my biggest problem with men. I was constantly trying to revive my connection with a man for fear that if I stopped our connection would die.
As women we have the tendency to make things happen. Most of us are “doers” and “givers.” I bet you’re always there for your friends and family whenever there’s a need. It’s tempting to take care of others, it feels good to know you’re helping people and to think that they need you. But in a love relationship, relationship CPR is the destroyer of lasting love.
How do you know if you’re doing CPR in your relationships? Well for one, you always try to keep things running smoothly. You’re hyper-vigilant about taking care of the details, so you don’t rock the boat. Your man’s wellbeing is your priority at the expense of your own.
Here are some typical relationship CPR indicators that you may recognize:
~ You feel on edge and unable relax around a man
~ You feel exhausted and stressed most of the time
~ You constantly worry about the future and how things should be
What does it look like when you are always the “doer?”
~ You make sure he’s comfortable at all times
~ You initiate most of the communication: phone calls, email and texting
~ You make all the social arrangements
~ You’re the first to be affectionate; and tend to cling
~ You pay attention to his feelings while ignoring your own
~ You feel responsible for everything that happens
What can do to stop doing everything and let him pull his weight? The first thing you will have to do is to stop giving your relationship CPR. It is hurting you more than you know. It is depleting your energy and chipping away at your self-confidence.
Relationship CPR will kill the love you’re trying to save
You’ve actually been keeping your relationship alive with the strength of your will and your very breath. It’s time to take it off life support, to see if your relationship can breathe on its own. Time to stand back and wait to see what happens. It won’t be easy; you will be leaving your comfort zone of being a doer and always in control.
But to know the health of your relationship, it’s necessary for you to find out if it can stand on its own. You need to know how invested he is. You might lose him if he is unwilling to breathe on his own, but it would only have been a matter of time before you lost him anyway.