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on October 26, 2017
There’s no way to avoid having a Big Talk with your partner at some point in your relationship. It will happen more for some of us than others, but whether you’ve been together 40 years or a couple of weeks it’s going to be a challenge and cause you stress.
A Big Talk is never easy. We naturally know what we want the outcome to be but there’s no way we can predict how our partner will react. After all we wouldn’t be having the Big Talk unless there was something important we’ve held on to and not expressed or shared.
Here are 3 tips to make your Big Talk a success.
1. Do not have the talk until you feel calm and confident. You must be free of anger or blame or you’ll trigger the same in your partner. If you portray yourself as a victim he will get defensive because that’s making him the “bad guy.” He won’t hear what you’re trying to tell him. You must be open to what your partner tells you without making him wrong. I will repeat that. You must be open to what your partner tells you without making him wrong.
2. Believe in what you have to say or don’t say it. Unless you’re ready to stick up for yourself you better not get into a Big Talk. Backing down or changing your position because of fear of his reaction or losing him makes you Continue>>>
on October 2, 2017
If I had taken to heart the many relationship books I read and followed their “rules,” I wouldn’t be married today. I’m sure you’ve read them, too, the books that tell you that if he hasn’t proposed by the end of the first year, dump him!
When I was single I was hungry for advice about relationships. I went to seminars and must have read over 100 “how to” books on love. Because I didn’t meet my husband until I was 46 my search went on for years. For all that time I felt like a leaf blowing in the wind at the mercy of the many opinions I was taking in.
I not only tried to find my way through books but I consulted my share of psychics and astrologers. Like most single women, I had the best intentions; I wanted to find out how to meet and marry the right man for me.
But as I got older and matured I realized that Continue>>>
on August 27, 2017
There’s a time in most relationships when a man suddenly goes from hot to cold. He’ll seem to be more distant as if he’s starting to pull away.
This change can throw us into a panic, making us feel insecure just when things were beginning to feel so good.
It’s common to interpret this change of behavior as being our fault, creating an emotional reaction that’s way out of proportion. Old hurts and wounds from childhood get triggered and suddenly we’re like a kid again, afraid of losing the love we depend on for survival.
Our self-confidence, which received a boost with this romance, suddenly crashes into confusion and self-doubt. We thought we were strong but we now feel like a helpless victim of his change of heart. Desperation overrides our good judgment and we find ourselves in our primal “flight or fight” mode.
This is when we revert out of fear to our primary survival patterns.
If our survival pattern is fight, we’ll run after a man who’s turning cold. We’ll go into pursuit, finding ways to make ourselves more attractive or become more sexually aggressive. We’ll text, email or call him trying Continue>>>
on July 24, 2017
5 Warning Signs Your Relationship Might Not Last
Relationships start with strong mutual attraction and the expectation of a future together. Hopes are high that we’ve found our Mr. Right and the feeling is intoxicating. But you may be wasting time in your relationship.
After a strong start it can be hard to recognize when things start to subtly change. The relationship feels different and you start to ask yourself, is this relationship going to last?
Here are some warning signs that you may be wasting your time:
1. You start to see inconsistencies in his behavior and experience occasions of lying and deceit.
Trust is the foundation of any relationship; without it love can’t mature and grow. If you accept excuses for lying and rationalize bad behavior you’re asking for more of the same and you’ll get it.
2. You feel like you’re putting in all the effort and he’s just going along with your plan.
We tell ourselves men don’t act the way we do in relationships so we let their lack of effort slide. But strong and loving relationships require that both partners participate fully. Each person has to take equal responsibility and commit totally to the growth of the relationship.
3. You feel clingy and insecure around him even though he says everything is OK.
We’re masters at ignoring our intuition, especially when it’s telling us something we don’t want to hear. We’ll believe what a man tells us is true while we ignore Continue>>>