Do you obsess about past relationships? Do you look back and go over every detail? Do you go over in your mind everything you could have done differently? Are you trying to find some kind of closure so you can be at peace?
What is more painful than constantly re-living such painful memories?
It’s a tough place to be. I remember how at one time in my younger days, I was so devastated by a break-up I thought about it obsessively for 3 years!
During that time I didn’t date or pursue any other relationships, I just constantly went over the mistakes I thought I had made in my mind and berated myself for having been so clueless.
My inner dialogue would be full of regrets. “If only I hadn’t bought him that expensive leather jacket, it was too much to give him so early.”
“If only I hadn’t asked so many questions about his past, he probably thought I was being too noisy.”
“If only I hadn’t complained about the mess in his apartment, I probably sounded like his mother and hurt his feelings”
Why do we do this to ourselves?
It feels like these obsessive thoughts help you stay connected to him. If you keep thinking about him, you may be able to draw him back to you. If you forget about him, he may forget about you.
Actually the opposite is true; psychically you are keeping him away. I can’t prove this, but I’ve personally experienced it and seen it happen to the women I work with. The harder you try to hold on to something, the farther it moves away from you. Like the idea that in order to have someone, you have to set them free.
When you set him free of your obsessive thoughts, you will be enjoying your own freedom as well and be able to move on in peace.