We all share a basic need, the desire to be loved for our true self. But that can’t happen if you are your own worst critic and focus only your faults.
Do you believe you create your life experience? If you do, then you have to acknowledge that if you put yourself down, you will draw that experience to you. Instead of attracting love you will be attracting men who reflect back to you your beliefs about yourself.
You have to first learn how to be loving and kind to you. After all, everything in your life starts with you. If you don’t make yourself the most important priority for love, no one else will.
I learned this lesson the hard way years ago when I let a man treat me in way that was humiliating and disrespectful. I go into it in detail in my book, “It’s Never Too Late to Marry.” I call him Mr. Kinky. He lured me into a trap; seducing me into believing he loved me. But he didn’t love me at all; he controlled me and made me feel unworthy.
How could I let this happen? Because I had no idea what loving myself was like, therefore I couldn’t recognize that he wasn’t loving me.
It was only after he broke up with me (and at the time I begged him not to) that I began to understand the negativity I had allowed into my life. The pain of the breakup made me question myself. I had to take responsibilty for not attracting love, but attracting its opposite, cruelty.
What did that say about me? It said how little I loved and respected myself. It was shocking to me; I had never really thought about it. I was so used to putting myself down that I didn’t even hear that voice in my head. I couldn’t say exactly what I was telling myself, but the men I had been involved with, including this particularly cruel one, were showing me the results of my thinking.
Attracting Love: We attract what we think we deserve.
It may show up as super critical boss or a man who doesn’t appreciate you. So it makes sense that attracting love into your life requires you to stop being so critical. You need to become a loving person, especially to yourself.
It took me three years to get over this relationship and the damage I had done to my self-esteem, but the reward was worth it. Through the self reflection of those years I came to know myself at my worst, and forgive myself.
It’s such a cliche to think you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else…and it’s a cliche because it’s true.